Inside Out

You know that grumble in your belly that just wont cease no matter how hard you try not to think about it? It's not the eleven o'clock-almost lunch time grumble, but a grumble that rises suddenly and you cant seem to find its source.  I’ve felt that grumble lately.  I’ve been hungry to find happiness and meaning in a place that has removed me from my comfortable and into my most vulnerable.

When we are called into the wild, it is there that we are faced with the hunger we can so easily distract ourselves from in today’s society. We have replaced this hunger with the convenience of “things” to distract us from facing our own vulnerabilities we so carelessly set aside. We can easily get lost in tv shows or movies where characters are faced with tragedies much greater than ours. Or mindlessly wander on the Internet to get lost in other people's lives to lure us from our own.

With the ease and satisfaction that all of these “things” bring, why is it that often times we find ourselves alone, lost or feeling void of meaning? As quickly as those feelings of sadness, frustration or loneliness arise, can they be satisfied by filling that void with images, noise, or people to take you away from what you may really need. I am not writing this to place blame on society for numbing us to the feeling of true hunger, or to say that my generation is undeniably lost, but because last week instead of taking some time to write, read a book or go for a hike, I found myself sitting alone in my room getting lost in seasons one, two AND three of Grey’s Anatomy and I am now sitting here asking myself why. I was not inspired to write, had little focus to read, no energy to hike and little desire to be social. What was it that was causing me to feel as though sitting in my room was my only safe place?

Without the comforts and familiarities of home, the uncertainty of my future, and my journey to find faith in something greater than ourselves, I have found myself facing my hunger with nothing but an open heart. I have taken a step back and allowed myself to be open to these vulnerabilities with the hope that I may find the answers to why I have been led into this wild.

Last week, I took the opportunity to learn the story in Matthew 4, where the Spirit led Jesus into the wild after fasting for 40 days and 40 nights. To sum it up, it goes like this:

He was led into the wilderness where he was met with three temptations that tested his faith and commitment. He was hungry, alone and seemingly vulnerable. First he was asked to turn an ordinary stone into bread. He responded, “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” He was then asked to throw himself from the highest point of the temple in the holy city and responded, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” As his final test, he was offered a kingdom if he would fall down and worship Satan. He responded, “Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.” Temptations defeated, Angels came to his attendance.

This story has deep meaning, and much like Greek and Roman Mythology, we are told epic stories of good vs. evil; the challenger leaving as the defeated as a hero rises. Many times, those stories are of ordinary people that are called to do extraordinary things, and the reality is, callings aren’t always like that. And although some of these stories seem more in the realm of unbelievable, they still have the ability to speak to our human spirit. They give us hope and motivation; they allow us to step back and see why this hard place has become our destination. We are forced to think about the things we are often tempted to replace our hunger with and how easy it can be to revert back to our comforts.


There is something that happens in our wild that is much greater than ourselves and I think faith is learned by sitting in that place and asking why- because if we don’t ask that question, then we risk not recognizing the call for what it is in the first place.

Let a stone be a stone-and nothing more.