G.R.I.T.S Goes West goes East Again

Moving on to the next step is never easy and although I was anticipating the trip my mom and I were about to take, I had been dreading the day that I had to say my final goodbye to the place I loved so much. It wasn't until the morning I saw my room empty of my things, food absent from my kitchen cupboard and my car packed full to the brim, that I succumbed to all of the feelings rushing through my heart. As we pulled away from the farm, I couldn't help but think about the next time I would be back to visit.

Our trip began with a short drive to one of the places I always dreamed of seeing while in California; Big Sur.  The few times I was able to get to the coast, the thick fog loomed over the Pacific, blanketing the cliff side with a gray obscurity. But the day we started our adventure, the sky reflected the clear blue of the ocean and the warm air filled our lungs as we cruised down the coast. We spent the day exploring and soaking in the last bit of California sunshine before spending the next day on the road to Sedona, Arizona.

 The 12 hour drive to Sedona took us through Southern California's flat agricultural lands to the desert, the landscape transitioning from endless rows of artichoke, grape vines, orange trees and strawberries, to Joshua trees and a vast, brown openness. We got to Sedona soon after sunset, but woke up early to the most beautiful view I have ever had from a hotel balcony. From almost every angle, red rocks rose from the horizon and a river lined with lush trees flowed just below us. Our one day in Sedona began as the sun rose, and we spent the day exploring the landscape with a walk along the river and a visit to Slide Rock National Park. Our day ended at a restaurant with a view we could have only imagined.

It was hard for both of us to leave but we had another long drive ahead of us to our next destination that required an early start. Driving long distances out west is completely different than many of our driving experiences back east. The desert landscape is vast and often void of things to look at, with the exception of a freight train making its way to the next big city or a tumble weed hurling itself across the highway. The endless hours of driving and numbness that our backsides endured would totally pay off when we got to Austin, Texas. 

I loved Austin so much, that I ironically only have a few things to say about it. We couldn't have asked for better weather and every person we encountered was just as nice as the last. Our days in Austin were packed with exploring the city, eating delicious food and enjoying Austin's infamous music scene. We enjoyed our last night at Lambert's Downtown BBQ, where I'm pretty sure I almost died and went to Heaven— coffee-braised brisket, pulled pork, brown sugar brussel sprouts and the most delicious cornbread muffins inducing the food coma I fell into. I have to add that mom discovered her new found love for Deep Eddy's Grapefruit vodka that she bought in BULK because it's an Austin original.

I finally came out of my food coma and mom parted ways with her grapefruit libations and we rolled ourselves further south toward Louisiana to visit a city we have both been eagerly waiting to explore. Mom hasn't been to New Orleans since she was a little girl and as we drove, she told me stories of visiting her uncle in the city. We spent our first day in the deep south exploring some of Louisiana's antebellum plantations and spent the night at Nottoway Plantation, a beautiful historic home along the Mississippi River. Like most mornings on this trip, we woke early to head into the French Quarter of New Orleans where we would spend our last day in Louisiana touring the busy streets, exploring the French Market where I had the most fantastic crab cake, eating beignets at Cafe Du Monde (spoiler alert: highly overrated), and experiencing a small band with a big sound on Frenchman Street.

Our last stop took us north to another city known for its music scene and down home delicious food. Many of our trips have taken us through Tennessee before and Nashville has become one of my favorite places to visit. Nashville's downtown district is lively and vibrant, while it's charming suburbs are nestled in rolling hills, farmland and open space. Much like our visit to Austin and New Orleans, our two days in Nashville consisted of walking and eating. Our last night took us to Broadway, where live music pours from every bar and cowboy boots fill their dance floors.

This road trip was exactly what I needed before making the move back home. Although our stops were brief, it gave us the opportunity to experience some of the unique character, culture and cuisine that our country offers. It also gave me time to relax and reflect on the past year and gave me hope that my next opportunity will present itself at the right time.

"To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time, to be in a position in which almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted."

Bloom Where You Are Planted

Today I woke up to a perfect and cloudless California morning. Sipping coffee on the porch and listening to the chatter of the farm, I found myself thinking about how quickly this year has gone by and how I will manage leaving a place I have developed such a deep connection to. In just one week, I will be moving back to North Carolina and the decision to do so wasn't easy.  Just a few months ago, I was craving a new environment, itching for a new adventure, and not wanting to be in the town I grew up in.

The second I moved to California, the adventure and beauty of it drew me in and instantly, I fell in love. I was surrounded by incredibly smart and forward thinking people, captivating landscapes and days of endless sunshine, but I often felt myself missing the pieces of me that I left behind. Leaving home is never easy, but I also think it is hard to establish a life for yourself if you don't take some time to be away from it to figure out who you are and how you can make the most of the little piece of eternity each of us has been given.

California has allowed me to focus on these two things and it has forced me to think about the other things in life I value most. Through my work, I am driven to make an impact and this year I have had the opportunity to work with an amazing organization and discover a new career into which I can put my passion and my skills. I have had the opportunity to live on a farm in order to become more aware of the choices I make and how they impact the land on which I live. I have had the opportunity to continue grow spiritually by immersing myself into a new community of diverse cultures, ideas and perspectives.

I will miss the California sunshine like crazy but I am looking forward to being close to my family, friends and community that I love and have missed this past year. I'm not quite sure where my journey will take me next, but the experience and knowledge I have gained here is something I will take with me wherever I may go.

Over the next week while I frantically finish up projects, pack up my room and prepare for my next big move, I will be creating a comprehensive list of all things California that I will miss and another of all things Carolina that I am looking forward to!

Realizations in the Pacific Northwest

It has been way too long since I have gone on an adventure and this past weekend was a perfect opportunity to fly up to the Pacific Northwest to visit my very best friend who is settling into her new home in Eugene, Oregon.

I could only be there for a few days so the short visit called for cramming in as much food, beer drinking, sight seeing, hiking and catching up as possible and although it has been too long since we have seen each other, being together during those few days felt as though we had never been apart. The rainy weather of Oregon did not surprise me, but the refreshing vitality that it brought did. The skies cleared just long enough for us to go for a hike around the Mount Pisgah Arboretum to get a view of Eugene's lush and expansive landscape (not what I have experienced in California so far).  As we explored, my shoes became water-logged and my toes started to lack warmth and feeling but the best part was I didn't even care. I felt like a kid again and couldn't be happier than in that moment, on that mountain, with a friend who brings out the best in me.


There was something incredibly rejuvenating about my trip to Oregon and the time I spent with my friend brought back a lot of joy that I have been missing lately. I realized how important making time to spend with close friends is, no matter how far away they are, especially as we grow older and begin to build our own lives as adults.

We are all trying to figure things out but it's the people you keep close to your heart that will be with you every step of the way.

Speaking of steps- I can't believe that I have lived here for almost an entire year! In just one short month, I will be traveling back across the country to begin my life's next adventure. Through the stress, anxiety and endless contemplation I have put myself through these past two months, I have decided that moving closer to life I have missed is what feels right in my heart. I have learned and experienced more than I could have imagined and I know that as long as I allow myself to stay open to the endless possibilities that lie ahead, the right opportunity will present itself.

If these peak your interest, here are some random moments that I've been capturing from behind the lens...

Hungry For Words

I'm the kind of reader who picks up a book and intentionally reads for about a week or so only to slowly let the book sit on my nightstand with the hope that one day I may finally finish it. This time, it was different. This time, I didn't let it hit my nightstand because I read the entire thing during my 5 hour flight from Charlotte to California. This time I read When We Were on Fire by Addie Zierman.

This isn't to say that I NEVER finish the books I am hungry to read, I'm just saying its been a long time since I've read a book that has left me feeling full and satisfied. The raw veracity about the world of a Christian culture in this book was refreshing, rejuvenating and most importantly, relevant. 

Through Addie's story, I was able to peek into the world of growing up Christian and follow her as her heart and her faith were tested by obstacles that many of us face throughout our lifetime. Where she strove to fit into Christian "norms" in her youth, I strove to stay away, constantly questioning my faith and the idea of Creationism as the foundation of our existence. Where she began to question the intensity of her faith as she grew into adulthood, I began to wonder if I needed something more than science to fill the void I felt in my heart.

Although our journey to find faith are somewhat contrary to one another, I found our stories to converge on the idea that faith is not a straight line from point A to point B, but requires detours and pit stops; pitfalls and triumphs. Through her story and mine, I have felt the strain of doubt, the frustration from unanswered questions and the power of grace that allows us to come out of the darkest corners in our lives. I won't say more about this book, because honestly, I think you should read it. Christian or not, there are things in life we can all relate to.

"Yes, faith is like being born again. But it is also not like being born again. Unlike the newborn infant, the new Christian has memory, memory that spans back into the darkness from which he came. He is not so much born as waking...every moment to new realities. To a new way of looking at humanity. To grace and to peace and to love. It is not Before and After, a clean split, dark and light. It is a gradual illumination, fireflies moving slowly toward you, softening the edge of darkness so that you can see the beautiful mystery around you."   

Current Carry Me

It’s hard to imagine that my life will be changing again in just a few months. My year in California has brought such a new light into my life’s journey and it has been a whirlwind of emotions to think about where my path may lead me next. The last time I wrote it was mid-fall and before I knew it, 2013 closed it’s curtains to reset the stage for a new year.

Life has gotten so busy since the last time I wrote and I'm kicking myself for not making the time to share my experiences here. From now on I will:

Do less & write more

Amidst this crazy time in my life's journey, I had a moment of clarity as we took some time to get out of town and go whale-watching in Monterey Bay (and get clam chowder in one of those amazing sourdough bread bowls). As our boat moseyed a few miles from the coast waiting for the whales to make their appearance, we passed a sea otter drifting mindlessly among the waves that rocked our boat back and forth. Many of us were surprised to see this lone otter drifting so far from the shoreline but we were told by the captain that they often drift far out during the day, napping in a lackadaisical food coma. As I watched, I grew anxious for the creature so exposed by the vast sea surrounding him. Wasn't he not concerned about predators? What if he drifts too far from his home? Although all of these worries were running through my mind, they clearly were not running through his; it seemed he knew the current would take him exactly where he needed to go when he needed to be there.

I need to be more like this otter, I thought. I know it sounds silly because it feels silly just typing it but how could I not see this moment as something I can learn from? So often, I grow tense with stress and anxiety trying to plan out every minute of my life that I sink like a rock and grow breathless under the pressure I put on myself to figure it all out before it even happens.

So I’m trying something I’m not so good at doing- I’m learning to let go. I’m learning to put my faith in something greater so that I can lie on my back and let the weight of the world drift by as the current carries me where I am meant to go.

“If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand will lead me, your right hand shall hold me fast.”

 

 

Apples in Abundance

Harvest season. Crisp mornings and chilly nights. Bright red’s, yellow’s and oranges littering sidewalks, streets and gravel roads. Delicious concoctions that warm our bellies and our souls. There are so many things that I love about autumn and so many things to be thankful for. As each season on the farm brings new life and new bounties, I have come to appreciate many of the things I never imagined I would have access to.

A few weeks ago, my roommates and I spent two days in Pescadero, staying at the cliff side Pigeon Point Lighthouse hostel overlooking the tenacious Pacific. We woke up to a foggy morning and sat wrapped up in sleeping bags with warm oatmeal in our hands, and watched gulls fly in as waves crashed against the jagged rocks below. The rest of our day was to be spent harvesting apples and I was hoping for some sunshine and a little bit of warmth. This was my first time harvesting apples and I never realized how gentle and careful one should be when picking them from their trees. I also realized that no REAL apple is perfect. They often have holes, spots or surface bruises that make them seem inedible. We often see shiny, perfectly shaped apples in supermarkets that have been grown in controlled environments so that each one tastes exactly the same. These apples weren’t perfect. And one most certainly did not taste the same as another. After spending a few hours picking and gently placing them into boxes, we sorted them into ones that could be eaten and ones that we could press into cider. As we worked into the afternoon, the sun warmed our bodies and an endless supply of apples filled our bellies.

[Ominous, abandoned lighthouse nestled on a foggy coastline]

Back on the farm, this weekend was full of fall activities. We spent this past Sunday pressing our abundance of apples into fresh cider. The press that we used required stamina and strength, as it takes multiple rounds to make just a few gallons and the process is entirely hand-cranked. We pressed about three gallons of cider, and later warmed it over the stove with cloves, cardamom and cinnamon…the most delicious fall drink there is.

It was also time to harvest the olive trees that were planted on the property in the early 1800’s during the missionary movement throughout California. To harvest olives, large tarps are placed beneath a cluster of trees that we then divide and conquer, stripping the olives from their branches much like a giraffe strips leaves from a tree. After clearing as many branches as possible, the olives are gathered in the tarps and collected in baskets that are then weighed before going to the mill. With volunteers and staff, we harvested close to 1,900 pounds of olives…which should make several gallons of delicious and flavorful oil.

As easy as it is to be consumed in all that our day to day lives demand from us, realizing all that we have to be thankful for can simply be abandoned.  I have found it necessary in my life to take time to reflect on the some of the things I couldn’t live without to center myself and bring things into perspective. As far away as I am, I cannot be thankful enough for my friends and family that have been supportive of my journey and I continue to be thankful for the experiences that I’ve had here and the ones I have to look forward to. 

Inside Out

You know that grumble in your belly that just wont cease no matter how hard you try not to think about it? It's not the eleven o'clock-almost lunch time grumble, but a grumble that rises suddenly and you cant seem to find its source.  I’ve felt that grumble lately.  I’ve been hungry to find happiness and meaning in a place that has removed me from my comfortable and into my most vulnerable.

When we are called into the wild, it is there that we are faced with the hunger we can so easily distract ourselves from in today’s society. We have replaced this hunger with the convenience of “things” to distract us from facing our own vulnerabilities we so carelessly set aside. We can easily get lost in tv shows or movies where characters are faced with tragedies much greater than ours. Or mindlessly wander on the Internet to get lost in other people's lives to lure us from our own.

With the ease and satisfaction that all of these “things” bring, why is it that often times we find ourselves alone, lost or feeling void of meaning? As quickly as those feelings of sadness, frustration or loneliness arise, can they be satisfied by filling that void with images, noise, or people to take you away from what you may really need. I am not writing this to place blame on society for numbing us to the feeling of true hunger, or to say that my generation is undeniably lost, but because last week instead of taking some time to write, read a book or go for a hike, I found myself sitting alone in my room getting lost in seasons one, two AND three of Grey’s Anatomy and I am now sitting here asking myself why. I was not inspired to write, had little focus to read, no energy to hike and little desire to be social. What was it that was causing me to feel as though sitting in my room was my only safe place?

Without the comforts and familiarities of home, the uncertainty of my future, and my journey to find faith in something greater than ourselves, I have found myself facing my hunger with nothing but an open heart. I have taken a step back and allowed myself to be open to these vulnerabilities with the hope that I may find the answers to why I have been led into this wild.

Last week, I took the opportunity to learn the story in Matthew 4, where the Spirit led Jesus into the wild after fasting for 40 days and 40 nights. To sum it up, it goes like this:

He was led into the wilderness where he was met with three temptations that tested his faith and commitment. He was hungry, alone and seemingly vulnerable. First he was asked to turn an ordinary stone into bread. He responded, “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” He was then asked to throw himself from the highest point of the temple in the holy city and responded, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” As his final test, he was offered a kingdom if he would fall down and worship Satan. He responded, “Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.” Temptations defeated, Angels came to his attendance.

This story has deep meaning, and much like Greek and Roman Mythology, we are told epic stories of good vs. evil; the challenger leaving as the defeated as a hero rises. Many times, those stories are of ordinary people that are called to do extraordinary things, and the reality is, callings aren’t always like that. And although some of these stories seem more in the realm of unbelievable, they still have the ability to speak to our human spirit. They give us hope and motivation; they allow us to step back and see why this hard place has become our destination. We are forced to think about the things we are often tempted to replace our hunger with and how easy it can be to revert back to our comforts.


There is something that happens in our wild that is much greater than ourselves and I think faith is learned by sitting in that place and asking why- because if we don’t ask that question, then we risk not recognizing the call for what it is in the first place.

Let a stone be a stone-and nothing more.