A Ghost in My Own Home

A wave of nostalgia has consumed me this week. I have been trying to get back into work mode after a short trip home to see my cousin get married, visit family I haven’t seen since Christmas and spend some time with one of my best friends…all in a matter of just two and a half days.

Before driving up to Virginia, my flight was bringing me into Charlotte and mom had breakfast waiting for me at home so I could see our dogs and grab some things from my old room. I wasn’t sure how home would feel-would it smell the same? Would I find my coffee cups still stacked neatly inside of our cabinets? The concept of “home” has been really hard for me to grasp these past few months. I have moved a lot of my things out here to California, but left behind the skeleton of my old room that still sits at my parents house as if I just decided to run away one day. My old bed, dresser and shelves are all there; some clothes still litter the closet along with boxes of things that I had packed away for when the time came to get my own place.

As I looked at these boxes and the things that I left behind, I felt apprehensive and a bit removed. I thought I had taken my whole self to California, ready for a new start and a new home…but at that moment, I felt as if I were split in two. Since I have moved out here, a lot of people have asked me if I was ever going to come home or what I planned on doing after my short and only temporary internship. At this point in my life, its almost impossible to tell…and it's been hard to live in the moment when I’m constantly reminded of where my past lies and where I need to go in the future.

I read a passage the other night that has resonated deep within me and inspired me to write today:

“All it takes is the decision to walk with some awareness, both of who you are and what you are doing. Where you are going is not as important, however counter-intuitive that may seem. To detach the walking from the destination is in fact one of the best ways to recognize the altars you are passing right by all the time. Most of us spend so much time thinking about where we have been or where we are supposed to be going that we have a hard time recognizing where we actually are. When someone asks us where we want to be in our lives, the last thing that occurs to us is to look down at our feet and say, “Here, I guess, Since this is where I am.”- An Altar in the World

When I decided to move out here, I knew that I was putting the plans I had to have my own home on hold. I was so comfortable and felt safe in the environment I grew up in but that was not satisfying my need to experience more. To take a walk. To be on my own and realize what being away from “home” really meant.

I don’t know where I am going, but the path I have created so far has paved the way to so many new directions I can go. No matter where I end up creating a life of my own, I will always have a home I know I can come back to, and being away from it makes me appreciate all that it has given me even more.  

 

Weekend Visits

Weekend visits from coast to coast are much too short—every minute of my moms trip out here was savored until her flight home. I know its hard for her to imagine her daughter so far away and we hadn't seen each other since the day I made my big move. My excitement to show her everything about my life on the west coast overwhelmed my ability to choose which “things” I wanted to show her in the short time she would be here. I wanted to show her the farm fields and trails I was surrounded by and introduce her to the people I live and work with. Farm-raised pork sat marinating in the fridge as I gave her a tour of the farm and we stopped by the garden to pick fresh broccoli and curly kale (not forgetting to try the nearly-ripe apricots along the way). We were both so excited to be in the kitchen together again as we spent a lot of time preparing meals together at home. The first thing to appear on the counter before the cooking started was a bottle of wine so being in California warranted an extra special bottle for the two of us. As the first glass was poured, so began the conversation of catching up on life apart. We carried our conversation to the table, full plates in one hand, our second glass of wine in the other. I really wanted to impress her and thought about this meal the second she bought her plane ticket so the pressure was on as I anticipated her reaction as she took her first bite. A simple “Mmm” escaped my mother’s mouth and I knew I had the Mom Seal of Approval. We continued to eat as slowly as we could, savoring the flavors and lingering in conversation. As full as we were, we had just enough room for a warm, salted caramel brownie and we sat in contentment, letting many more “Mmm”s escape our blissful mouths.

If you couldn't tell from my previous posts, much of my life revolves around food. I do live on a farm, but I love to cook and I love to try new things. We woke to a full day in San Francisco planned with lunch reservations at a chic Vietnamese restaurant in the Ferry Building that overlooked the Bay. I was hoping and praying that the often foggy and cloudy skies in the city would hold off for my mothers visit and someone must have heard me because we could not have asked for more perfect weather. There wasn’t a cloud to be seen and there was just enough of a breeze to keep us cool under the unclogged sun. Before lunch, we roamed the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market, sampling some of the fresh fruit but trying not to fill up too much before lunch. We slowly weaved our way through the vendors and eventually made it into the Ferry Building where we found our restaurant and sat at a perfect table on the patio where we could watch boats sailing under the bridge as well as the ebb and flow of people roaming the Farmers’ Market. With cocktails ordered first, an Indian Sunrise for me and a Singapore Sling for mom, we sipped and pondered the menu until we settled on something light so we could also splurge for dinner. Fresh shrimp cocktail and vermicelli salad it was and as we ate, we were entertained by plenty of people watching and awkward family photo-ops. The flavors of our lunch lingered as we decided to walk to Union Square for a little bit of what we do best (shop) and eventually we made it to Little Italy where we sought a place to sit, have some wine and eat some more.

I found Little Italy to have a much more relaxed vibe than the boisterous Chinatown we had to pass through on the way and we ate slowly, once again, at a comfortable street-side table and enjoyed every bite of our margherita pizza…still leaving room for something sweet, of course. Little Italy is full of cafés and little restaurants so we didn’t have to walk far to step into a small bakery where we debated over an espresso-soaked chocolate cake or a fresh strawberry vanilla creme cake...so we just ordered both. At this point, we were glad that we had walked so much that day because I don’t think we could have fit anymore delicious food into our stomachs but as the day came to an end, we went home two very accomplished women.


Sunday’s weather was not as agreeable as Saturdays, but we decided to take a drive down the coast to Pescadero any way to absorb some beautiful scenery and stop for lunch at the “infamous” Duarte’s Tavern. Our Sunday was relaxed and we took our time meandering through Pescadero's "main" street area and had a delicious bowl of Duarte's artichoke soup (everything else about the restaurant was less than impressive and I'm still not sure why it was featured on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives).



















I am so grateful that I was able to spend the weekend with someone who is nearest and dearest to my heart and show her a small piece of my life out here. Now I just have to convince her that Lake Tahoe is a perfect place to retire and much closer to where I'll be...I know Dad wont take much convincing!

Breakfast in Bed

As I woke up this morning, I was preparing to drag myself out of bed and go on a much needed run I had been planning all weekend. My week had been so busy that I couldn't find the time nor the energy to run like I normally did and I was ready to take on the road. Except my bed was so comfortable...and the breeze coming in through my window was so relaxing. Maybe I should just make a giant cup of coffee with breakfast and settle back in to read for a little bit? Yeah..that sounds way better than forcing my self to run when my body was still too tired. Sometimes I get too concerned with staying healthy by exercising, I forget that taking time to allow my body to relax is just as necessary. With all my roommates gone for morning training, I had the kitchen to myself and impatiently waited for our cow-painted coffee pot (yes, we have a coffee pot painted as a cow) to moo, letting me know that the water was ready, after which I had to wait even longer for the coffee to slowly drip from the filter into my cup. There really is nothing better than a hot cup of fresh-filtered coffee with french vanilla cream...really. I balanced my cup and my bowl of yogurt, hurrying back into my room to slide under my warm covers. I haven't had breakfast in bed in a very long time and I smiled to myself as I took small sips of my coffee and pulled out my book. This is what every Sunday should be like. For everyone. And I'm not saying everyone should brew their own cup of coffee and read in bed, but I think everyone should take some time to do what they really enjoy doing instead of forcing themselves to do something they think they need to be doing. I found so much joy in taking the first hour of my day to relax and enjoy my breakfast, and not think about how badly I need to run off the wine and ice cream I ate the night before. Since I have moved here, my weekends have been all about playing catch up- running to the store to get things that I needed throughout the week, getting groceries for the upcoming week..or even trying to keep up with my non-work life. And for those who know me know that I am incredibly OCD about time and I can't seem to do anything without thinking, "okay, whats next?".  My days are planned down to the minute most of the time and I make lists, to-do's and reminders to keep me on schedule. But today, it is safe to say that I actually spent my day soaking up my time to sit back and relax, instead of chasing it.

As if having breakfast in bed wasn't good enough, I had lunch at a local cafe in town complete with an ice-cold Arnold Palmer in a mason jar and a salad of arugula, kale, quinoa and pancetta.

"We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.”

Let's Go Farm in Santa Rosa, California

There is nothing more peaceful and beautiful than sleeping underneath a vast, dark sky littered with stars and a moon just bright enough to emit an omniscient glow. There is nothing separating you from the dark that surrounds you except the comfort of your sleeping bag and the sound of a once roaring bonfire has now hushed to snaps and cracks of warn out wood. We are all bundled up and falling asleep on the hillside of Lets Go Farm in Santa Rosa, California. 

Last Monday, we arrived at Let's Go Farm to meet two past interns who have now started a small-scale farm on a gorgeous Sonoma property that one of their parents purchased back in the 70’s. As two young farmers with part time jobs to support their efforts, they needed a lot of help with the fields and we arrived ready to work (well, kind of). Our day started bright and early with a huge breakfast made by the mother of the house- fresh coffee, bread, a giant fruit salad and a mushroom and kale strata that kept our bellies full while we worked all morning. I am no pro at farm work and it gets incredibly hot in this area in mid-afternoon, so laying black plastic, hammering stakes and pulling up roots did a number on my back and my hands. Not to mention my roommate and I went on a >4 mile hike the day before and my legs were already killing me. But just a few hours of working on their farm gave me a great sense of appreciation for the time and labor that farmers put into making their fields successful and plentiful. Not only is the work physically demanding, but knowing that your livelihood is dependent upon what is growing in the ground can also be mentally and emotionally taxing.

As if breakfast wasn’t large enough, we gathered on the wrap-around porch for a big lunch followed by a piece of strawberry rhubarb cake for dessert; can you say food coma!? After a restful hour of great conversation, an exchange of hugs and grateful goodbyes, we piled into the van to head home. But any intern field trip wouldn’t be complete, however, without a pit-stop to a nearby brewery so we stopped at the Russian River Brewery in Santa Rosa for some pints…and air conditioning.

This trip was such an awesome opportunity for me to bond with my roommates and I am so glad I got to see what two past interns have gone on to do with their lives. Aside from actually living on a farm that is maintained by many volunteers and staff,  I was so grateful that I got to experience just a tiny bit of what a small-scale farmer experiences every single day and it gave me such an appreciation for what they do.  This experience drove my motivation further to continue to learn and bring awareness to the importance of organic and sustainable farming. 

As I mentioned earlier,  a few weekends ago, my roommate and I drove a few miles past the farm to Monte Bello open space for a small (ish) hike with a great view of the Santa Cruz mountain range.     

   

Santa Cruzin'

What a busy few weeks it has been! I’m finally feeling as though I am settled in here and things are picking up in the office. In addition to getting used to the rhythm of my work day, I’ve been going into Oakland for some workshops and taking some trips with the other interns.

A few Mondays ago, we took a trip into Santa Cruz to visit the LifeLab Educational Garden and help out at the Homeless Garden Project. Its so amazing that students are able to experience hands-on educational gardens and its so wonderful to see that there are people who work really hard to get students out and engaging with their environment. This garden was amazing. A huge avocado tree stood in its center, its branches mingling with smaller lemon trees to provide shade for the resident hens (for those who don’t know, hens are great for pest control in gardens and a tool to teach students about their roles in food production). We were able to shadow a fifth grade class that came out to learn about pollinators and it was great to see the impact that this kind of education has on developing students. The LifeLab is located on the UC Santa Cruz campus, which has a ton of agricultural space along with a nice view of the ocean when it isn’t foggy. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky that day and although it was quite hot, there was a constant cool breeze that made standing out in the sun pleasurable and refreshing. High temperatures, low humidity and cool breezes create an awesome environment for grapes and I’m definitely planning a trip back to try some of the wines Santa Cruz has to offer.

After a morning of touring the garden, we drove closer to the coast to visit a Homeless Garden Project and help out with any work that needed to be done. I have to say this was one of my favorite parts of the trip because this organization provides work for homeless families in the area as well as inviting a ton of volunteers to come out and maintain the small farm. All of the fields are turned, weeded and maintained by hand, which takes a lot of tedious work so after we snacked on some of their fresh strawberries, we got to work weeding a few rows of lettuce (by this time, I might add, I am extremely sun-burnt and will regret not putting sunscreen on earlier that day). It was great to see the impact that the farm had on creating a community where people can feel accepted, valued and enjoy the fruits of their labor.

Our busy morning called for an afternoon of fun so we decided that cold beverages and a visit to the beach was necessary to round out our trip. I mean, as one of the most famous surf spots in the U.S, we couldn’t go to Santa Cruz and not stop by the beach! This beach trip was much more tolerable than the last, and I forced myself to wade in to feel the pacific wrap its penetrating waves around my feet. We decided to wander up the beach to a rocky slope, spotted with tide pools and native vines that lead up to some pretty amazing seaside homes.




California beaches are totally different from the Carolina coastline that I’m used to. The coastlines are intense, often jagged and sloped, waves forcing themselves over rocks and slamming onto the shore. The water penetrates your skin and sends you running for warm, dry sand. Carolina coastlines are often more calm and serene, the waves slowly lapping onto shore. The water is a bit warmer and the sand is so hot you have to sprint back to your towel. But there is something beautiful about both and lend you to appreciate what they can offer: West coast excitement and adventure; East coast rest and relaxation.

Intern Group relaxing after a long day of work!