Apples in Abundance

Harvest season. Crisp mornings and chilly nights. Bright red’s, yellow’s and oranges littering sidewalks, streets and gravel roads. Delicious concoctions that warm our bellies and our souls. There are so many things that I love about autumn and so many things to be thankful for. As each season on the farm brings new life and new bounties, I have come to appreciate many of the things I never imagined I would have access to.

A few weeks ago, my roommates and I spent two days in Pescadero, staying at the cliff side Pigeon Point Lighthouse hostel overlooking the tenacious Pacific. We woke up to a foggy morning and sat wrapped up in sleeping bags with warm oatmeal in our hands, and watched gulls fly in as waves crashed against the jagged rocks below. The rest of our day was to be spent harvesting apples and I was hoping for some sunshine and a little bit of warmth. This was my first time harvesting apples and I never realized how gentle and careful one should be when picking them from their trees. I also realized that no REAL apple is perfect. They often have holes, spots or surface bruises that make them seem inedible. We often see shiny, perfectly shaped apples in supermarkets that have been grown in controlled environments so that each one tastes exactly the same. These apples weren’t perfect. And one most certainly did not taste the same as another. After spending a few hours picking and gently placing them into boxes, we sorted them into ones that could be eaten and ones that we could press into cider. As we worked into the afternoon, the sun warmed our bodies and an endless supply of apples filled our bellies.

[Ominous, abandoned lighthouse nestled on a foggy coastline]

Back on the farm, this weekend was full of fall activities. We spent this past Sunday pressing our abundance of apples into fresh cider. The press that we used required stamina and strength, as it takes multiple rounds to make just a few gallons and the process is entirely hand-cranked. We pressed about three gallons of cider, and later warmed it over the stove with cloves, cardamom and cinnamon…the most delicious fall drink there is.

It was also time to harvest the olive trees that were planted on the property in the early 1800’s during the missionary movement throughout California. To harvest olives, large tarps are placed beneath a cluster of trees that we then divide and conquer, stripping the olives from their branches much like a giraffe strips leaves from a tree. After clearing as many branches as possible, the olives are gathered in the tarps and collected in baskets that are then weighed before going to the mill. With volunteers and staff, we harvested close to 1,900 pounds of olives…which should make several gallons of delicious and flavorful oil.

As easy as it is to be consumed in all that our day to day lives demand from us, realizing all that we have to be thankful for can simply be abandoned.  I have found it necessary in my life to take time to reflect on the some of the things I couldn’t live without to center myself and bring things into perspective. As far away as I am, I cannot be thankful enough for my friends and family that have been supportive of my journey and I continue to be thankful for the experiences that I’ve had here and the ones I have to look forward to. 

Inside Out

You know that grumble in your belly that just wont cease no matter how hard you try not to think about it? It's not the eleven o'clock-almost lunch time grumble, but a grumble that rises suddenly and you cant seem to find its source.  I’ve felt that grumble lately.  I’ve been hungry to find happiness and meaning in a place that has removed me from my comfortable and into my most vulnerable.

When we are called into the wild, it is there that we are faced with the hunger we can so easily distract ourselves from in today’s society. We have replaced this hunger with the convenience of “things” to distract us from facing our own vulnerabilities we so carelessly set aside. We can easily get lost in tv shows or movies where characters are faced with tragedies much greater than ours. Or mindlessly wander on the Internet to get lost in other people's lives to lure us from our own.

With the ease and satisfaction that all of these “things” bring, why is it that often times we find ourselves alone, lost or feeling void of meaning? As quickly as those feelings of sadness, frustration or loneliness arise, can they be satisfied by filling that void with images, noise, or people to take you away from what you may really need. I am not writing this to place blame on society for numbing us to the feeling of true hunger, or to say that my generation is undeniably lost, but because last week instead of taking some time to write, read a book or go for a hike, I found myself sitting alone in my room getting lost in seasons one, two AND three of Grey’s Anatomy and I am now sitting here asking myself why. I was not inspired to write, had little focus to read, no energy to hike and little desire to be social. What was it that was causing me to feel as though sitting in my room was my only safe place?

Without the comforts and familiarities of home, the uncertainty of my future, and my journey to find faith in something greater than ourselves, I have found myself facing my hunger with nothing but an open heart. I have taken a step back and allowed myself to be open to these vulnerabilities with the hope that I may find the answers to why I have been led into this wild.

Last week, I took the opportunity to learn the story in Matthew 4, where the Spirit led Jesus into the wild after fasting for 40 days and 40 nights. To sum it up, it goes like this:

He was led into the wilderness where he was met with three temptations that tested his faith and commitment. He was hungry, alone and seemingly vulnerable. First he was asked to turn an ordinary stone into bread. He responded, “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” He was then asked to throw himself from the highest point of the temple in the holy city and responded, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” As his final test, he was offered a kingdom if he would fall down and worship Satan. He responded, “Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.” Temptations defeated, Angels came to his attendance.

This story has deep meaning, and much like Greek and Roman Mythology, we are told epic stories of good vs. evil; the challenger leaving as the defeated as a hero rises. Many times, those stories are of ordinary people that are called to do extraordinary things, and the reality is, callings aren’t always like that. And although some of these stories seem more in the realm of unbelievable, they still have the ability to speak to our human spirit. They give us hope and motivation; they allow us to step back and see why this hard place has become our destination. We are forced to think about the things we are often tempted to replace our hunger with and how easy it can be to revert back to our comforts.


There is something that happens in our wild that is much greater than ourselves and I think faith is learned by sitting in that place and asking why- because if we don’t ask that question, then we risk not recognizing the call for what it is in the first place.

Let a stone be a stone-and nothing more.

 

Falling into Autumn

The dictionary defines transition as “movement, passage or change from one position, state, stage, subject, or concept to another”.
Not only does the end of September mark the end of one season and the start of a new one, it also marks six months that I have been living, working, growing, and being here. I have seen some amazing new places and missed some familiar ones, I have developed new behaviors while shedding some old, and I have met new and inspiring people while missing the one’s near to my heart.

Fall is the perfect time to talk about transitions.  Known for it's seasonal changes, fall is a great opportunity to reflect on the changes that are taking place in my life as well.  I have been running at full speed this month, and it feels as though I have tumbled into this new season, gasping for fresh air and a slower pace. Through the stress, homesickness and discomfort that causes life to be thrown off balance, I am forced to realize that I am in a constant state of change toward growth individually, spiritually and professionally.

No sooner did I fall asleep to a warm, balmy evening did I wake up to a chilly fall morning, seeing my breath as I yawned my way to the kitchen for a warm cup of coffee to place between my hands. 
The Bay trees have begun to shed their leaves in masses, littering our gravel road and gathering at each side where cars have blown them to safety. The air is crisp and sweet, unlike its unbearable thickness that blankets the valley during the summer. The sun begins to fade behind the mountain much earlier, warning me that my days will soon be much shorter.

To keep this brief, I'm transitioning to some quick and exciting September updates-->

I was fortunate enough to see my parents earlier this month, as mom celebrated her 50th birthday by coming out to Napa for a weekend of wine tasting and Northern California sight seeing.  It was a beautiful weekend of clear skies, great food and too much wine.  

My mother, beautiful on the inside and out

Farm Update: Tons of tomatoes! Heirlooms and sungolds are ripening at an abnormal speed and we now have close to ten bags of puree waiting in the freezer for cold winter nights- bring on the soup! We've had so many amazing vegetables available to cook with and I've had some of the best dinners these past few weeks...eggplants, peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, beets, green beans, corn, watermelon, apples...the list goes on! 

Also, adorable baby pigs have arrived! (There are 7, so naturally we named them after the Weasley's...You're welcome Potter fans.) 

This past month has been a whirlwind, and I now have some time to truly reflect on all that I have been experiencing. Life's recent pick up in responsibilities, commitments and opportunities have been more than I imagined I could handle but I am hoping that fall will bring in a fresh perspective and continued positive change that I can learn and grow from.  When life becomes this unmanageable, we have to be willing to walk alongside one another and I am so thankful I have had the support of my friends here to provide me with the comfort that I need when I am so far from my friends back home and the support and love from my family whom I share every moment of this experience with.  

One Skillet Wonder

It's not very often I get to have the kitchen all to myself. With nine other roommates, there is almost always someone else making a meal and making a mess so our kitchen often turns into a combination of bumper cars and dodge-the-sharp-kitchen utensils.

But tonight the farmhouse was empty and all I could think about as I went for a jog past our front fields was what I wanted to cook myself for dinner. There is something so incredibly peaceful and fulfilling when you prepare, cook and consume a dinner you created with your own hands; if only it took as long to eat the meal as it does to actually prepare it. My stomach began to rumble and my mouth salivated as I thought of all the possibilities lying right in my backyard. As the summer season draws to a close, the tomatoes have exploded into ripeness and pretty soon, we’ll be canning and preserving them to get us through the winter season. The corn has popped up in beautiful rows and is so sweet, it’s perfect cut right from the cob and lightly sautéed with our green beans. Before I came here, I never touched a beet and I’ve realized that not only are they beautiful when sliced thin to expose their rings of bright purple and pink, but taste amazing when roasted in the oven with olive oil, salt and pepper.

Tonight, I was thinking frittata. They are quick, easy and adaptable to anything pretty much anything you have lying around. On my way back to the farm, I plucked a zucchini, a few tomatoes and a small bunch of basil from our garden. The sweet scent of mint teased my senses as I walked by so I had to bring some of that home too.

There was a traditional my mom and I had when we cooked together in the kitchen. We would often enjoy a glass of wine together as we moved around the kitchen, nibbling on our vegetables before throwing the rest into whatever pot or pan we had prepared. I continued that tradition tonight with a buttery chardonnay; sipping, slicing and singing with Dave Matthews.











The worst part about preparing any meal is waiting. After all of the chopping, slicing, mixing and sipping, I didn't want to wait any longer! As the skillet warmed in the oven, a sensuous cloud of basil, oregano and garlic filled the kitchen. Adding a little bit of Cleo milk (our resident cow) to the eggs allowed the frittata to fluff up perfectly and thinly sliced tomatoes rested on its surface.





As I sat and enjoyed what I had just prepared, I couldn't help but think about all I was surrounded by and the enjoyment I felt from just this one meal. It was a reminder to me to not take advantage of the resources I had access to.  To walk down the farm and into our fields to grab a handful of fresh and organic vegetables is not something everyone has access to.  There are many people here and throughout the world that do not have this opportunity and as I continue to eat from the land on which I live, I will take every bite with a heart full of gratitude.

I didn’t forget about that tantalizing mint either…I take every opportunity that I can to spruce up a good dark chocolate brownie.

Losing My Religion

I am sitting in a quiet café, settling myself at a corner table with much needed caffeine.  I am preparing to reflect on a subject that has been both delicate yet pressing in my life as I continue to develop into a mature human being. While the subject of faith is and should be personal, I am compelled to share my thoughts and experiences as I feel it has been more present in my life journey than it ever has before.

As I continue down my path to discover who I am and what my soul's purpose is, I have taken a step further from my comfort zone and explored a church service for young adults who can come to learn and worship in a comfortable and welcoming space. I have not always considered myself spiritual and often questioned the idea of organized religion. From high school through college, I had plenty of doubts regarding the Christian faith that led to me have a pretty negative attitude toward anything that had to do with it. Because I felt so strongly about science and the biological evidence that supported our coming to be on this planet, there were many things about Jesus and the Bible that I did not understand. Often times, I wondered if I even wanted to. The one thing I knew I did not want to do was force myself to believe in something that I did not feel and I’ve come to learn that faith is about feeling, no matter what or who you believe in.

I’ve only gone to two services so far, but I’ve connected deeply with each of the messages and I am excited to open my mind and my heart further to fully listen to those messages set before me. This past Sunday was the last of their “Wasted” Series, and the pastor spoke about stepping out of the confined box that religion often puts us in and taking risks in order to transform your relationship with Jesus (or whomever you put your faith into). He explained that Jesus took risks, and in fact rebelled against organized religion. Where religion set boundaries and rules, he set out to break them. Where religion defined social norms and standards, he encouraged the acceptance of all people. And where religion acted as home base, he encouraged adventure in order to look outside oneself to transform and grow.

He related the idea of religion and our potential relationship with Jesus to a dock that sat on a bank of a rushing river. You can stay on the dock-dry, comfortable and safe while the current pulls the water beneath you. But what if you decide to jump into the river? What if you were to put all of your faith into the current flowing around you to carry you to a place beyond what you can see?

The reason, I guess, that I have connected so deeply with this particular message is the fact that the past few months of my life have been full of risks and adventure that are allowing me to transform and grow in ways that I could have never seen. Whether or not this leads me to establish a relationship with a higher power, I am beginning to feel a certain tug the more I allow myself to put my faith into something greater.

“You must lose your religion in order to find faith.” 

 

 P.S these are just some of the many thoughts I have on the subject and I haven't gathered a cohesive reasoning behind them so bear with me! I'm taking my time to learn, explore and ask questions.